Its been quite a manipulative week....No NO... i wasn't trapped in some scandalous mafia drama...Though i did imagine a vixen image of me,right now!!!The leather boots and trousers really do me good. A-freakin'-D.D!!!!...Never leaves me.I was on a manipulative ride ,when i realized that the campaign "INCREDIBLE-INDIA" did exactly that ,but took it to another level altogether........
Its Incredible,and how!I'm still figuring out this "INCREDIBLE" country(pun intended)..Of what i've figured out:here goes,
#1) Do not argue with the auto-drivers or the sabzi-wallahs.Not only will they stop selling/taking you,but will also see to it that others don't as well.
#2) Try avoiding day-travel....TRAFFIC!!! Also try avoid night-travel...RAPISTS,LECHERS etc...we are a very horny country,but will deny its very existence,though our population and "reported" rapes say otherwise.
#3) Chai-paani is not that...I mean which dim-wit mixes tea and water.Even my 3 yr old nephew knows it.
#4) Prefer private all the time..Fed-EX to speedpost...Vodafone to BSNL...CitiBank to SBI ,you get the drift.Dont associate yourself with the government...EVER..Its for bimbos
#5) Always bargain.Its against the Indian spirit not to.So, if your son wants a trip to Switzerland , say Himachal-pradesh ...And if he's quite the bargainer himself,upgrade to Srinagar.
#6) Make sure you know the name of your area ACP/DCP/Head-Constable.If you're busted by the cops, claim he's your maternal uncle and hope the person you name isn't the one stopping you,else God be with you.
#7) Lane driving is for wimps or ants.In India you just point your vehicle in the direction you want to go to and then keep moving into the closest open space on the road.Also a 2-lane road can accommodate 3 cars and a couple of bikes easily.A 2 lane road is a misnomer.
#8) Missed-Calls are India's life blood.Learn to use them well.From morning cabs to having landed in Indira Gandhi Terminus to a reminder for a meeting.The possibilities are endless.You could even setup a code based a code based on the number of rings....
2 rings: I'm missing you
3 rings: In a meeting,tonight we have sex...& so on.....
#9) You got to be stupid and old to "LINE UP".Here,one leverages their height,weight,body-odour or potty-mouth to get ahead and other out.We epitomize the famous line by Amitabh Bachchan "Jahan hum kade hote hai,wahin line shuru hoti hain(the line starts from where i stand)"...We just took it to another level.
#10) Women stay at home!!!Try wearing a burqa,else be ready for some free-hate-sex coming your way.
#11) Blame Pakistan for everything...From not winning a debate to your dog unable to poop..EVERYTHING can be blamed on Pakistan.
Terrorist attack: Blame Pakistan
Fake currency : Blame Pakistan
Katrina misses her period : Blame Pakistan
#12) We can BUY!!!...Everything,from minors as domestic help from Nepal to College Admissions.You can buy love and Sex,also movie DVD's before their release.
#13) We believe in self immunization.Hence contribute to filth in open gutters and make sure our dogs poop on the roads.All this bacteria/virus etc growing around our atmosphere helps us stay immune to diseases that are plagues elsewhere in the world.
#14) Like or Pretend-to like Cricket.The only thing people are interested beyond Shah-Rukh-Khan and sex is Cricket..Its multiple orgies.
#15) Use a regular horn at your own risk.We recommend getting one that scatters everyone blocking your path.If a jet plane goes 100dB,find a horn that belts 200dB.
#16) Carry a set of oars.We like adventure Sports especially during the monsoons and the government seems to get it.Overflowing-Gutter-Rafting during the rains is a popular sport.
#17) We'll even share our roads with the occasional herd of buffaloes out on a leisure trip.Live and let live.Share the space and "kindly-adjust".You reach the zoo to find some happy deers,fifteen sharing the space of 2...Even they get it.We have a PHD in adjustment.Everything is adjustable.From prices of Tomatoes to Toyotas.Government policies to ticket sale figues for the CommonWealth Games.All of it is taken with a open heart.
#18) We love our politicians.Everytime they open their mouths,its as if a fountain of knowledge has been bestowed upon us...Oh!How we love them...
#19) The great thing about power-cuts is they make sure we dont lose touch with out great Indian culture.Every summer we bring out our little portable fans and think of our ancestors who did not have access to modernism.We know our roots.It humbles us and we stay grounded.
#20) We pretend to never have sex.Only Gods can have sex and hence the KamaSutra.Free-love is just a myth and Breasts are only for babies to suck on.Also refrain from wearing anything remotely "slutty" though the SARI in itself reveals more than it can hide...
hi...Kathy !!
you have written it well but i don't think all are correct and there is too much sarcasm in it...as in take your first point, initial half of your statement is correct but they never see that others also behave bad with you. even your point #11 is not correct. We Indians are not that sick minded. Actually there are lot of things i can say wrong. but i shall "JUST" say that you have exaggerated the facts
a little sensational but alright :)
the first time u read it ul like it for the WAY it is written.......u read it agn and u realise.....a lot of it is jus BULL SHIT.....a lot of it lacks realism......BUT its a good READ....
We're still doing quite well, I must say. Maybe that's what is incredible.