I hate showers...period.It takes way too much unproductive time to clean oneself up,especially the hair, the arm-pits and places i don't even want to get to.If only the environment was clean enough for me to never shower.Sometimes...Just "sometimes" not showering leads to something i wouldn't have otherwise.I stumbled on this post while postponing my appointment with hot water and scrub.It was by whom i call the Liz Gilbert(Google her) of India...Judy Balan....This thought I truly owe her..
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My morning paper has never looked this dull ....I'm not talking about Page3....I was going through the Classified...Job hunting....Yes Yes..I've joined the bandwagon.....
"We're looking for writers with good writing skills and easy adaptability with an appropriate degree and a minimum 5 years EXPERIENCE....... 3 yrs experience.... 1 yr Experience...6 months EXPERIENCE".... what happened to fresh raw talent right off the grid??... So now i need experience to prove i'm apt?? Or that I'm no mistake since I was hired before...On paper all they want to know is how long you've been in the business....The longer the duration.. The easier it is for you to land a job...And we criticize the corporate world about being shallow....Its just there everywhere.....Because even here - where raw talent is supposed to be the criteria - people are busy looking up your credentials because no one wants to take a risk.... And also because, the popular assumption is that the longer you've done something, the better you are likely to be at it. ..
But somehow,just somehow all these criteria lag behind when it comes to marriage or even a relationship for that matter......Your desirability in the market sky-rockets if you've never been in a relationship(read:never kissed and definitely no sex)...Especially if your taking the arrange marriage route...I'm not saying its wrong to be spotless and virginal...I mean BRAVO!!!...but why the need to lie if your not...We don't want to be judged and be in the eye of 'suspicion'... And if you do "MAN-UP" and find someone by yourself...you land up answering the same questions.."How many of them??"..."When did it start??".."How did you feel with them??"..."How many times did you'll sex each other up??"..."Was it good??"..."Which positions"..."Was there Oral as well??"....."Why did you break up"...And finally - Why me? Only this time, you're put through the interrogation on account of the experience as opposed to the lack thereof...
I guess its all cause you want to feel special... Saved up for "THE ONE"....and they conclude you'll sleep around with anyone you meet..And i don't want to be just "ANYONE"...But that's just one way of looking at it... The other, is extremely flattering to say the least - THE PROBABILITY THAT HAVING SEEN IT ALL, YOU PICKED ME TO SPEND FOREVER WITH... AND THAT'S GOT TO COUNT FOR SOMETHING..
Experience in relationships has got to count for something right?...Relationships are like recipes... When one doesn’t work, you have to do something differently next time...Relationships that contribute to my life in positive and healthy ways need time and energy to develop and grow, and once they are well established, continued maintenance is quite helpful and necessary. This is the stuff that Relationships are made of. Love, lust, attraction and sex.. those are the easy stuff. Those things can be developed quickly, and I suppose can be quite enjoyable on their own. If there's one thing I have learned, it is that attraction and interest, even mutual, are not scarce. What is scarce is depth, intimacy, trust, practical logistics and mutual intent to develop these things. All of which take time and consistency to develop, and do not come overnight. You don't fall in trust, for example....
I believe, and this i do whole-hearted that your present bf/husband reaps benefits of your past... And this i mean even in BED... I mean seriously, who wants someone not so "smooth"...and doesn't know how to play erotica...There's just nothing wrong in having been with many ,as long as your not a sleaze-ball or a compulsive liar...Because if you notice, breakups always leave you wanting to work on yourself ..Go shopping..Become trendy...Get a stylist...Find Nirvana..Play a sport...Lose some weight.. So it's always the next person who gets to reap the benefits of all that the ex had to endure...
So, fall in love with someone with EXPERIENCE...ask those questions if you must...DO your homework..But trust your gut...Cause they're not bringing BAGGAGE but a whole lot a lessons they've learnt..And if your wrong,you'll gain some experience yourself....
How about if someone wants to fall in love with you because you have experience? It works both ways with due respect?
interesting picture you used. heheh.
it was a fun read,i liked the humor in it. i have a pretty strong relationship resume of myself.
@Sunil : ooo....thats tricky territory... i wish i had experience to guide me... bt all i can can if someone falls in love with you for any other reason bt "U" then its not justified....
@kalveer: i realised about the picture after you pointed out...jerk!!... e-mail ur resume and we can discuss on table!!! ;)
well... i agree with the fact that ppl with experience tend to be more adaptable....but u jus forgeting the fact tht not everyone blurts out abt their relationships for the mere fact called...TRUST!!!!!....
And expecting all mortals to be broadminded abt their spouses/gfs past relations is jus too...WAIT FOR IT....Overrated....
@JO:I am not expecting anyone to be broad-minded...I'm just hoping for change and being less judged...Every relationship teaches you something and can make you a better person but not everyone takes that route. It becomes more difficult in identifying the right person and hence people want to play it safe and go for novices. That's because we often end up swinging from relationship to relationship without taking the much needed break to take stock, make changes, etc...
It's a good read.... Loved the way it flowed from the professional sphere to the personal one.....
Coming to the points expressed, I have personally met people who say "I am a virgin, so I have every right to expect my partner to be one". Now this same person has actually admitted that if he gets an opportunity to change his own situation, he would be open to someone with "experience"..... Personally I feel experience does not matter as much as intent in a relationship.... but sometimes I wonder... How much of the broadmindedness we see is actually broadmindedness and not a compromise only because we cannot match what we're expecting.........
I think its funny how our conversation somehow tied back to this blog before I even read it. Comfortable silences are typical of couples who "made it". I wonder, of all the arranged marriages how few would have worked out if not for the societal expectations placed on it? One of the reasons passion seems to peter out in marriages that are not arranged is that couple have been with each other for a long time. But such a situation may very well transpire in any kind of marriage, arranged or not. The ultimate question we want to ask ourselves I suppose is: Am I willing to challenge this person to be better version of themselves everyday? Knowing admittedly that your relationship will change over time...
well written !
@nitin : its that kinda hypocrisy that makes me want to pull my hair...they are "ok" as long as even they've apparently also been upto mischief... they dont want their "limits" crossed...
@opinionatedone: TOUCHE!!!
@Kapil: Thank you!!!
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