You wonder why this is happening to u afterall . i mean you've worked it out,the algorithm is perfect ,this equation never has failed and YET it jus DID!!!!..again and again and once again...These things dont happen to you afterall,and they are beyond imagine.And all of a sudden everything seems to be crashing down,i mean they've overturned into a direction from where it seems irreversible.
Your dad was the proudest of you.My daughter achieved BLAH...and excelled at BLAH BLAH BLAH....And now you feel like your capabilities are being doubted.Having lost interest in your very existence or purpose.Your now the BLACK-SHEEP of the family, a black sheep that was super ROYALTY once.Your down to litters and guess what, your entire life all u wanted was them to be proud with definately your selfish cause underneath.
Intelligence and smartness is all you had and when that seems to be taken away your purpose or rather you've lost yourself.You find it hard to describe yourself.Is there anything positive you can tell about yourself??
Suddenly all those you thought were intellectually inferior to you,have a superior edge now.Your ego is crushed ,i'd say destroyed.Your personality has taken a back-seat.Thinking of the possibilities lying ahead they seem quite small and un-determining.You either live life like a quiet demoralized no-aim lifer or dont live at all.
Reality isnt't hitting you yet.Your numb.You think of it as a dream every morning as you wake up.It takes times to sink in and as it does your tearing.Night falls and its a dream AGAIN!!!...A BIG BAD DREAM....You sleep with prayers and their fulfillment is afar.Your trying hard to crack this deal with GOD...Just this once and i'll do whatever you wan.You sleep hoping you find a magical lamp like Alladin....
You wish you had no family.None you had to account your life to.If they'd all disappear and you could start afresh,all by yourself.You romance the idea for as long as it keeps you away from reality...Reality ,you wish could be erased...
Death and suicide have something like a romantic association.As Hitler said "You either live to see your victory or DIE before facing your loss" .Google suicide and you'll find a million reasons WHY...This tunnel has no sunshine at the end and my eyes refuse to see the silver lining.
This dilemma is getting the worst of me and what i hunt for is and easy ESCAPE...FIGHT OR FLIGHT??..Cant fight...pessimistic you would say...bt i'm out of reasons myself....So flight??........Well yes...far far away....Into a world where none have ventured back from to write about....
Never thought I'd be thinking of it, BT THINGS I DINT EXPECT CHOSE TO HAPPEN TO ME AFTERALL....I'm left with no option..And what i do about it is all my vengeance towards life....MY VENGEANCE.....