I know its been forever that i wrote,its just that I suck at writing until i am thoroughly "INSPIRED"..which is almost a rarity!!!

Morning papers are a joy!!....i almost wait for the 'sexpert' column at Bangalore mirror...I am no pervert...its just that people have very funny problems when it comes to sex...and its almost ironic considering we have the largest population !!!...

So where was I,(I confess to A.D.D!!!)...MY MORNING PAPER..On the eve of xmas i read this article about how pubs were truly jingling their ka-ching as x-mas was nearing....its not like i genuinely had a prob(its not like anyone would care if i did)...i just felt like we christians were responsible for peoples drunkenness or for their urge to gulp beer down their gut until they cant feel the presence of any grey matter..I know we promote wine!!!but wine has far more relevance to us than what my non-christian majority in india can infer ....the only time my family drinks wine is at the altar in a very sacred moment ...Its just sad to see how misunderstood we are as a minority...

SANTA....this is a topic i love!!!..i loved him as a kid and as i grew up i got more expensive gifts which almost met my growing demand and dissatisfaction ...until my parents had it and CONFESSED( P.S : I already knew that 3 yrs ago ...its greed)...it never hurt me he wasn't there...it just hurt that i wouldn't get presents anymore..and that's the same with every kid(christian or not).....as kids we equate Christmas to SANTA and as grownups its to PARTIES ,UNLIMITED BOOZE & Girls in dresses with dropping necklines and higher hemlines..Baubles, tinsel, snowmen and the sound of piped carols, wherever you are in the world, there is no getting away from Christmas....

We've sort of mentally removed CHRIST out of CHRISTMAS.... most people are so busy trying to be politically correct that they are afraid to admit the real reason for the celebration. It seems like most individuals are more preoccupied with the man in the red suit and whether he makes it through their chimney on Christmas eve than anything else....Its all about SALES...Wearing something that would make heads turn...BIG AND MORE BIGG Xmas Trees...Parlour visits...Push-up Bra's...Fluffier Cakes...Red Green And White.....Jingle Bells...Air-Kisses..BIG TURKEY..PRETENTIOUS SMILES..Tailored Suits et-cetera et-cetera !!!

The above activities aren't wrong...Nor do i despise them...I'd be a hypocrite if i did...Its just when all this happens minus CHRIST himself...You'd probably think I'm fussing way too much about Christmas...Have you ever wondered, what’s the big deal about Christmas?
The “big deal,” of course, is first, “the Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us” (John 1:14). If we are to believe the biblical account, God became “incarnate” – took on human form, leaving the realm of heavenly perfection to immerse Himself in the world of flawed, sinful humanity.


Second, this baby – Jesus, the Son of God, whom Hebrews 1:3 describes as “…the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being…” – grew not only to become a great teacher and example, but ultimately the Savior of mankind, willfully dying for our sins on a cruel, torturous cross. “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

And there’s a third reason: The first coming of Jesus more than 2,000 years ago was just the prelude, a promise of His second coming. He told His disciples, “…at that time they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near” (Luke 21:27-28).
So Christmas morning, as we sit near lighted trees and open festively wrapped gifts, we should pause to reflect on the real meaning of Christmas: not Santa Claus, not gifts, but Christ.
We celebrate because Jesus came – but we also celebrate because we know He’s coming again!
The universality of Christmas is not by human might or power, but by the spirit of God Himself, whose son's birthday, is celebrated that day. However, some factors are making the celebration of Christmas lose its spiritual meaning, as the season of divine peace and joy. These are its commercialisation, politicisation, poverty, wars, social and physical insecurity. It is good that both Christians and non-Christians celebrate Christmas. At least, let's have one thing that keep us all together - a reminder that we are all of one beginning irrespective of race, colour, location, belief, and orientation.

Its a Sacred Day in our life's ...Its a time for forgiveness and a time for sharing..BOTH happiness and food....So if Mallya does a great job promoting his brew during Xmas and Hotels come out with Offers you cant say No to....Its not cause of Christmas...but cause they just need a reason to....

MERRY CHRIST-CENTERED CHRISTMAS!!!!

“Home sweet home,” you say to yourself as you step into your apartment. You are pretty soaked from the walk home in the rain(not the weather..ITS STRESS). Who knew it was going to be sunny in the morning, suddenly snowing at noon, and raining by the afternoon? “Damn ,” you mumble, as you take off your shoes and jacket quite lethargically...hopelessly rather ....

You’re glad to be home, because it was just one of those laborious and stressful days in the work when nothing seemed to go your way.Your mom called about your Dad's health getting critical by the day.Your wife is pregnant for the 3rd time or that new girl at work "STOLE YOUR THUNDER"..Or your ex-gf has moved on(with a much richer guy) or your ex-bf found a sexier material to do every night....
It’s just one of those days.

And now you’ve got the munchies.

You walk towards the fridge and open it.

”Crap,”
”I’m out of beer.”

You stick your head in closer and scan the other parts of the fridge, including the freezer, hoping to find some other beverage or food that will be the remedy to your overall unimpressive day.

A few of things you see:
1) Leftover pancakes from this morning’s breakfast
2) Leftover salad from yesterday’s dinner
3) Big slice of chocolate cake
4) Pie that was given by your ever-so loving neighbour
5) Leftover Chinese food from god-knows-when
6) A tub of vanilla ice cream and a packet of sausages

“Score,” you say as you reach out to grab your food of choice. Because you know after you finish eating it, you will feel that much better – or at the very least, feel that much fuller.


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Over-whelmed !!!!....thats exactly what i am...Trying to figure out what i want???...And when something that i wanted is happening,why am i not over-joyed..exactly the way i imagined??

There's a little secret here...I listen to back-street boys and westlife and boyzone when over-whelmed...its not like i feel better but maybe i just start imagining circumstances where i'd be happier in...They are my secret-pick-me-up songs....

I'm feeling heavy and helpless...and i'm probably the best to camouflage it...and none,not even my self acclaimed know-it-all mom will see through my restlessness....i finished brushing my hair,chewing my nails and swallowing them,waxed my legs and tried every dish i hadn't tried before from "NIGELLA'S COOK BOOK"....She's like my saviour in times of distress or when i wanna cry and never find a shoulder to...sometimes all i require is a hug....and when i dont get it(which is way too often..thanks to the double coated shell around me),i run to find the same comfort from food....

Comfort food i describe as something that can be relished all by myself..without the guilt of not sharing..and i'm filled with heavenly gratitude!!!!INSTANTLY!!!!!.....
It can be something as simple as bread with warm(comforting)full cream milk and castor for some crunch....Or as elaborate as cooking some biryani just to give you that sense of achievement when you especially feel worthless and love-lacked...

I know none are remotely interested in my food for thought...but there's nothing more loyal(not even your dog) than food...cause it turns out just equal to the amount of effort you put in...Now thats the kind of math i get(without the x's and y's)...

Picture it: you’ve just broken up. Eyes red from crying, you listen to "One is the Loneliest Number" on endless repeat; no matter what the season, every time you step outside it rains. In a daze, you stumble through your kitchen, and inexorably you are drawn to the freezer; to the third drawer down; to the ice cream. Of course the slightly freezer-burnt Mint Chocolate Chip tastes good, it always does, but with every creamy bite, you find yourself thinking—for the moment, at least—that everything is going to be okay.

This all too familiar scenario is tied into a grand human tradition: comfort food. The fact that we seem to gravitate towards certain foods in times of grief is nothing new.The point is, our bodies clearly physically respond to comfort food, meaning your craving for Mac n’ Cheese after a funeral isn’t just in your head. People do a lot of unhealthy things trying to cope with pain and loss, from self-harm to drugs; in the grand scheme of things, eating some extra fat can’t be that bad, particularly when your body is telling you to. So when the need arises, don’t sit sadly in the rain or make good friends with a bottle. Instead, head to your freezer, grab that ice cream,bake a cake or try something new from that dust gathered cook book and indulge for a while!...

<>My strife to become fair and beautiful as wanted in the matrimonials started right at my mother's womb...Obviously i dint do the struggling(lucky me)....milk with saffron ,cherries,plums and everything my great grand-mom thought would make me "lovely" was pushed through my moms gut..cause everyone would be rather upset if i turned out dusky like my dad..its not like my parents cared.....they loved me from the moment i was conceived and i would be more than just "skin and hair"....

I was born comparatively fairer than the rest in my family...maybe 'twas the milk after-all....but all my super lovely and far more beautiful sister heard was "you've got great features...wish you had a little more colour(white is not even a colour...."...
Is it like every mans fantasy to sleep with a blonde ???...or why else would it be so over-rated...this i dont know...Every-one is shallow....even the super rich who do not want to endorse fairness creams but are going paler and paler by the day,thanks to all the procedures they can afford....They are society hypocrites who not only want to take a stand but also cant do without it otherwise.....

This is a sort of racism..Why are we being judged by attributes that i'm born into??..I'm indian,I'm short...I am particularly proud of myself and need not be questioned....what i can otherwise be questioned are choices that i have made over the years..and these are things you can judge me by...why judge my assets when you can judge my personality..we're just one hollow judgemental society that finds negativity every-where....

Young men are no less at contributing to this kind of racism...they want a fair-saree wearing-hotshot-model material as their wife since the time they realize that that its testosterone that runs in their blood....even porn sites are filled with white-naked-women....whats with all the over-obsessed nature that drives them to become so shallow that they want a white-skinned-whore to a real true "COMPANION".......

I sometimes even blame DISNEY for this unwarranted desire...every princess....every fairy...every-one of them is "SNOW-WHITE"...LITERALLY!!!...and they find a loving man of their dreams who fights against all odds to have her((BULL SHIT))...What with fairytales like sleeping beauty talking about “who is the fairest of them all” and Snow White and Barbie dolls becoming role models for little girls...I'm yet to find girls owning duskier barbies'. Right from our childhood the message is clear, and in later years it is only reinforced in many ways.....Its all fed in the sub-conscience....just like how we know good and bad...we also know who is better.....

Have you ever heard of a man going under the knife to get his butt right..or his arms trimmed....its always a women getting a boob job OR her hymen fixed OR face-life OR Liposuctions....The number of procedures are infinite and they some-how only cater to women cause we're standardized to mere sex objects...And what makes us think we're never "GOOD ENOUGH"....growing up i always thought i had a BIG NOSE(i still think i do but a different one)....Try putting Angelina jolie's lips and Jennifer Anistons nose and Drew Barrymore's cheek together....They look almost Spastic!!!...We're in a way challenging GOD's artistic and creative skills.......

I have nothing against the "FAIRER SEX"....or against those who use fairness creams...cause i use one myself(great sun-screen)....it will only help you sustain a tone that you already have and wont make no miracles happen.....but i feel horribly pathetic for those who are ashamed of being dusky and try rub their skins white just for "FIT IN" and be more desirable.....Strangely, how educated or affluent you are has no bearing on this prejudice.....Look anywhere and everywhere, there are blatant and subtle reinforcements that only fair is lovely....

Tomorrow is INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY...And being the cynic that I am ,I care less about yet another day to make your pockets lighter...And all this erky "FEEL-GOOD" makes me want to hold a "MAN" by his collar and tell him that we dont require a WOMEN'S DAY when there's isn't one for a MAN...I mean whats with all the stupendous amount of un-wanted ,un-deserved and un-necessary attention ???....

Throughout history women have strived for equality. The informal slogan of the Decade of Women became “Women do two-thirds of the world's work, receive 10 percent of the world's income and own 1 percent of the means of production” . Throughout the world the disparity of rights for women is immense.

The inequalities between girls and boys are evident prior to children beginning elementary school. Girls are made aware that they are unequal to boys as soon as they start. Even different behaviors are acceptable for boys than for girls, for instance. Every time students are seated or lined up by gender, teachers are affirming that girls and boys should be treated differently. Girls are praised for being neat, quiet, and calm, whereas boys are encouraged to think independently, be active and speak up. Girls are socialized in schools to recognize popularity as being important and learn that educational performance and ability are not as important.

"Girls in grades six and seven rate being popular and well-liked as more important than being perceived as competent or independent. Boys, on the other hand, are more likely to rank independence and competence as more important"..

I can even argue the above....Well, GOD made Adam and Eve...totally different...He expected them to be different and have certain strengths and weaknesses...And i feel neither have it easier...But some-how men put themselves as GOD...be it work...or Home..Here respect comes out of pity more than it being well-deserved....."She's a lady driver...let her pass"...or "She's a LADY-CEO....how cool is that??"......or "For a girl your a great player"...I DONT WANT PITY....I just want to be appreciated ..and not in comparison to anyone...just plain APPRECIATED!!!!...How hard is it for so-called over-rated "MEN" to get the hint ???....well, it is hard since all they have is brawn and little or no-brain...from when did just being physically stronger make then own everything??..even the title of being the "HEAD OF THE FAMILY".....

Women on the other hand love indulging themselves in this kind of self pity..Even me!!!..They have a more polished word for it...its called CHIVALRY!!!!...So its ok if he slapped me to shut me up...cause i wouldn't have otherwise...or, Its not called "RAPE",he's my husband after-all and all he wanted was to make some love.....OR...His work he so stressful that he comes home and abuses me in-front of our kids.....ITS ALL JUSTIFIED..!!!!!..CAUSE HE'S GOT A PENIS AND I HAVEN'T!!!!.....

There is one set of standards that apply to men, and another set of standards that apply to women. This is evident in the home, workplace, and society in general. The problem of men and women not being equal can be traced back to the Declaration of Independence. The Declaration of Independence proclaimed that all men are created equal. There was no mention of women being equal, only men. At the time of the drafting of the document, the men had all the power. The document was even drafted by a man. Women were confined to the home to take care of the domestic housekeeping duties. Look no further than the home to see the first sign that men and women are not equal. The traditional role of the man was to work and the money he made would be used by all in the household. The traditional role of the woman was to stay home, take care of the children, clean the house, and cook. Because society has always associated money with power, the person bringing home the money had the power. The man often makes the final decision on all household matters because he has the money.

The workplace is another place where men and women are not equal. The most obvious sign starts at the top. Look at the CEO of the corporation. The majority of CEOs are men. Women serving as CEOs are a rare sight. Another sign of the unfairness can also be found in the lower ranks. Men are often applauded for being assertive and giving orders. By giving orders, men are taking a leadership role. Demonstrating leadership ability is a quality that employers often look for. On the other hand, women who are assertive and give orders are not well liked in the work place. They are considered as bitches by men. For women to be well liked in the work place, they have to be subordinate to the men. The salary of men and women who do the exact same work differ.

Secretaries, nurses, and maids are associated with women. Corporate executives, lawyers, doctors, politicians, and construction workers are associated with men. Society as a whole has also contributed to the problem. It starts at the hospital when a baby is born. Boys get blue blankets while girls get pink blankets. Toys are targeted at either boys or girls. Toys that are targeted at boys include trucks, blocks, guns, and soldiers. Toys that are targeted at girls include dolls, kitchen utensils, and doll houses. Boys are raised to be aggressive, tough, dominant, and daring. Girls are raised to be passive, emotional, sweet, and subordinate. The pattern continues on through marriage and beyond. A clear example of male dominance can be seen when a woman gets married. The woman would change her last name to that of the man's. She also loses her first name in some instances too. When a piece of mail is addressed to both parties, the name reads Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. The woman's name is not mentioned. Another example that men and women are not equal are the terms used to described the sexual habits of men and women. Men who are promiscuous are considered studs, macho, and manly. Men often boast about the many partners they have had. Women who are promiscuous are considered sluts, whores, and prostitutes. Women tend to hide the number of partners they have had. If a man has sex before marriage, he is getting experience and exploring his options. If a woman has sex before marriage, she is not considered pure, a quality often desired by men. There is clearly a double standard for men and woman for the same type of behavior. The problem of inequality between men and women started with the Declaration of Independence. Society has lived with this inequality for many years. It's impossible for society to change overnight. The problem will not and cannot disappear overnight. A lot of progress has been made over time but, more time is needed to finish what was started.


This can go on forever and we can only land up with dust until change happens at the grass-root level i.e home..until then all this is just HOLLOW TALK...!!!..There'd be EQUALITY only if there's just wasn't any talk about it and people would look above the differences....Thats one day i know i wont get to see in this life-time of mine... Till then..I dont need no compliment...or your money....nor do i need your crappy chivalry....i am complete as myself and need no big chested hairy man for it......

Read More 0 comments | Posted by Kathy

God is the most harrowed person i can think of.....OUR-MAN takes blame for things he's not responsible for ...... he is made in-charge of everything...... is told to take control of situations........ answer prayers like a genie....... listens to everyday discussions about him from people who are trying to decipher him..... gets cursed for everyday affairs...... so he's definitely one hot topic of discussion.........

Knowing the un-known is man only sole motive in life.......and when he cant "know-it"...he comes to the conclusion that it just doesn't exist...... its like if he hadn't discovered gravity ...they'd say it just wouldn't exist...... its something like that with god...... so they come to the conclusion that ones supposedly a chance product of billions of chance collisions over billions of years.....And MAN thinks he's smart........

Just once wouldn't you love for someone to simply show you the evidence for God's existence? No arm-twisting. No statements of, "You just have to believe."...Does God exist? The complexity of our planet points to a deliberate Designer who not only created our universe, but sustains it today.....
Whether one accepts the existence of God or not inevitably results in two basic world views.... Either we are the product of creation by God, or our origin is purely naturalistic, based soley on stochastic chemical processes devoid of the supernatural. ..

So the first "evidence" of God's existence I would point out, is the testimony of those who even reject the existence of God....Consider two people stranded on a desert island........ One sees a footprint in the sand that doesn't belong to either of them. He then tells his friend that someone else has been there. "How do you know someone has been here?" says his friend, "Have you seen anyone else?" The man replies, "No, but I have found a footprint in the sand." His friend, being a skeptic, examines the "footprint" and says, "It could have just been made by the wind blowing the sand around." The man replied, "That's unlikely." But the skeptic said, "Well unless you show me the exact probability calculation of this not being made by the wind, I won't believe that it is a man's footprint."

Thats exactly how stupid a self proclaimed ,know-it-all scientists are....They want evidence and proof to support a theory...while in the midst of it they've forgotten the very existence of "common-sense"..........Which also is God-given,which enables them to distinguish right from wrong...ever wondered how we "know-it"??.....How murder and adultery is wrong...we knew it even before spiritual books came into being......Its called GOD GIVEN CONSCIENCE....!!!...So do respect him if not praise him for being so wonderfully generous to us....and treat him to what he truely deserves and not some guy you pray to looking at the ceiling who makes your wishes come true if you've been a "GOOD -GUY".........

I know i really went too far away from where i started....but some-how i couldn't contain myself....so GOD is so so so great that he cant contain himself to just being your Wish-master...... Cause thats not what you would define GOD to be.......He is far beyond your understanding and just should let go.....cause for somethings there is no clear conclusion.....

Everyone's been talking about SANT SINGH CHATWAL on whether he deserved the PADMA AWARD at all....SANT OR SHAITAN i dont want to debate over it.....what i'm upset about is that where lies the credibility in these awards anymore....Those who felt proud over being bestowed with this high honor ....don't feel the same anymore.........

Anupam Kher tweets about it saying.."For a long time when i used to pass d wall,where my framed PADMASHRI hangs,i had this peculiar sense of achievement.Ignore looking at it now"....on one side i was proud that these awards were given to well deserved sportsmen other than the usual cricketers eg.Mr.Bindra and the young Saina Nehwal...on the other hand i witness a mockery of the entire system.........

I suppose there are two questions that come to mind. One is, is Chatwal merely a bad businessman, or an actual “crook”?...... He’s settled his debts to the IRS ($4 million), forfeited a building he owned that had a lien on it, and the $12 million loan he didn’t pay to the Bank of New York was eventually resolved in court (Chatwal had to pay $125,000)...... The Indian banks that had accused him of bank fraud eventually dropped the case against him. Chatwal’s lawyer puts it like this:

“The man came to this country, accumulated an empire, lost it during the time of real estate [softness], and has struggled and worked to try to pay off his debts,” said A. Mitchell Greene, Chatwal’s lawyer for 25 years...... “It has been a long battle, but he has cleared up all of his obligations, and in the process he is trying to accumulate his wealth again.”

To my mind, he’s somewhere in between “failed investor” and “crook” (where “crook” admittedly isn’t so much meant as a legal term as it is a kind of moral judgment), partly because at the peak of his troubles he and his family continued to live pretty extravagantly — as if nothing were amiss....
If only one would have witnessed his son(VICKRAM CHATWAL)'S wedding would they know what does INDULGENCE ,LUXURY AND EXTRAVAGANCE really mean.......Also how can one forget his support (both monetary and physically) for the hiliary CLINTON campaign ...and him rubbing shoulders with people i can only read about in the papers or watch on television......

Lets stop the SANT-BASHING and look at it in a different perspective......He(Mr.Chatwal) has indeed provided employment to way too many can i can count...Also he does know the Elite round the globe(CLINTON ,OBAMA,TONY BLAIR ETC)........yet with all this i somehow cant convince myself into believing that what has happened is good....I some-how find our farmers who brave the cold to fill our stomachs' or those NSG's who had to fight, because our Intelligence failed far more deserving........

On this Re-public Day all i wish for is that we be proud of our country for a reason....and not cause our we just love saying it.....and really acknowledge a TRUE HERO...if ever we come across one........

HAPPY REPUBLIC DAY......

Why does India have such low divorce rate???............No its not the freaking Indian culture.......Or the suppressed nature of the Indian WOMAN......its the ART OF COMPROMISE.....
Indians learn it from the day their born........think about it.......You'd probably like to have been born in a single ,maybe AC room.......but you were born in a shared suite.......You like the pram with polka dots........but you got the one already used by your elder brother.........You wanted to go "THIS" school....but had to go to that cause your "DAD" knew the trustee.......and you had to travel those dirty filthy streets ruled by the cows.....cause you don't how it would be otherwise.........You wanted to learn photography.......but had to become a doctor ....You wanted to marry the love of your life(from another faith)...but married the no-so-good-looking housewife material.....there were no two ways to it.........
And this my friend is "COMPROMISE"...........kids in the US would sue the govt for dirty roads........or their parents for not having spared the rod........or killed to get into that college.........so when they don't get a wife that made good dinner or knew how to work the laundry......Its DIVORCE BABY!!!!........cause i don't have the time and patience for you rather i want the best......and there's just no room for compromise..........
The "CHALTA HAI" attitude is what we grow up with.......The good part is that we're far more understanding and adjusting........but that is also whats totally wrong in our programming..........we settle for lower than we deserve........i mean,we definitely deserve cleaner and safer neighborhoods .....and better infrastructure........and well behaved politicians .....and people welcoming newer ideas......And girls feeling safer at 3 a.m..........BUT NO!!!!........we shall compromise.........cause this is what the state can do for us......who am I to care???.....i rather bribe the cop for less than pay him to get a receipt.........its much easier to get my land registered in a days time with a little "UNDER THE TABLE" money.....why complain about the rape ??that guy is ready to marry my daughter after-all!!!..why make it a big issue cause they can kill me....??...I cant be wasting money over a CASE.....I'd get myself into trouble if I stood as witness....I'd rather live with that lie!!!....Its ok if he's not using a condom tonight......This is what we live with...........Since we cant expect them to.........rather we never expect..........so we change our ways and mould ourselves to their desirability.............
But when a "DESI BABU" goes phoren(foreign).....things change drastically dont they???........no littering on the streets cause of the hefty fine......and wearing your seat belts, also making sure that your passengers are wearing them as well......no trashing in the parks....and if you've not got a condom...we're not doing it tonight honey!!!!!......sensibilities change quite drastically right???...WEIRD...!!!.........
So really there's is nothing very ethical or moral or great about our low divorce rates...........Its just that we Indians love to take "crap" in its purest form!!!.....and don't really regret about it.....Its just how our coding works........and how we're pre-programmed from before we're born.........its COMPROMISE!!!!.........

"YOU LOOK LIKE A STUNNER"............"THANK YOU"*blush blush*........THANK YOU???........Dont you already know your looking good??...........Why did you put all that effort for........to look "that" certain way......Right or Wrong???.............i know i'm right......So the next time some-one compliments......its better to use the not-so modest phrase.."IKNOW THAT ALREADY".......cause all he/she did was, REMIND!!!!.....


Why do you really require assurance ???....rather RE-assurance.........People are often more worried about how they look THAN THEY LIKE TO ADMIT......But this doesn't really mean they are in "VAIN"...Vanity means having too much pride in the way you look ......But "VANITY-NO-APOLOGIES"...cliched i know......but makes so much more sense than acting like a total idiot with all the blushing and rosy cheeks.......so next time someone compliments.......be sure not to say a thank-you.......cause all your doing is thanking him for having NOTICED.........Are you really attention deficit after-all???

Don't get me wrong........I am not saying looking good is bad thing.........Its way important than my understanding at a very sub-conscience level..... The most popular people in school and college were "non-brainer-seductive-yummies".........but thats just such a stereotype....Most people think its the "not-so good-looking" that have issues.........but when was the last time you took a blonde seriously???.........All i'm saying is its just way too over-rated than where it really deserves to be.........

Pressure on the already pressurised!!!!......So, lets define attractive???....hmmm.....but doesnt that depend on perspective..???....eg-Paris wants skin and bones.......while south india says its OVER-HEALTHY(or larger surface area) all the way !!!!.....so really there's just no clear de-mark ............Thats definately some reason not to be shallow.......!!!!.....cause what you find attractive.......is loathed by the rest........So just STOP DEFINING IT....if you're(think you're) smart!!!!!.......

I'm fat......... I'm too skinny..... I'd be happy if I were taller...... shorter, had curly hair, straight hair......... a smaller nose..... bigger muscles.... longer legs............You cant change what you dont have but can definately ENHANCE WHAT YOU DO!!!.........And do it not so that some-one will notice you, but rather.....JUST FOR YOURSELF!!!!.....

Lets go a way back in time...........precisely 2nd grade.........except hindi songs we knew at the tip of our tongues .....thanks to our parents taking us to every hindi movie possible.......AQUA was the "IN" thing........pressure to follow whats "IN" started then....."Barbie Girl" and "Dr.jones" being my favourites...!!!.

By the time i reached 5th grade......the focus had turned to B.S.B aka Backstreet boys,Westlife,...maybe spice girls........you get the point.......girls loved oogling over boy-bands and guys loved the LEGS!!!.......also somewhere in between we had our favourites in britney spears and Celien Dion etc etc..........I hummed them thinking of my crush..and what we'd do when.......and the way he'd react.....even sometimes dance with him."BALL DANCE" to be precise.......

And then came HIGH SCHOOL!!!........The time where you just couldn't afford to be un-cool.........lingo's changed and so did genre's ........what was awful earlier suddenly became a norm............and i jus had to learn those lyrics!!!....RAP i meant.....Hated it...........But did it......Foul language was cool and Eminem topped the charts with his dirty business.....

And now that i'm in college(forever in college)......i desire rock.........and this i truely desire.......no pretense what-so-ever.......from Dream Theatre to Deep Purple to Van Halen..........Vintage to Modern..........everything...........



I know i bored you with what i liked when......But i somehow dont understand that when everyone pretty much goes through the same stages why does one deny that they hated these genre's when they are so NOSTALGIC..........i remember stupid crushes i had then...sometimes almost feel the same way when heard again..........all i'm concerned about is being a total hippocrate over trivial issues like these.......what are we worried about??........being judged??.and worse ,if we cant tell the truth why loathe them when you secretly still do love them.......why is it gay???.......Why does every-one wanna fit in this bad??.......Somehow difficult to get,yet everyone ,inclusive of me ,have done it.........and still do........ Difficult yet so worth it.........So......


I HEART BACK-STREET BOYS!!!!!

Tsunami's , Earthquakes , Volcanoes ....and the recent HAITI-QUAKE.......there's nothing gathering more attention than natural disaster itself........Words like global warming and GO-GREEN and RELIEF follow close behind......but really, is natural disaster that bad???
Everyone is so overwhelmed after disaster strikes, even if your not even remotely related and effected by it.......yet there's a sense of grief one thats shared beyond communities,giving them topics of discussion for days.............so in a way its maybe not all that bad........

Tragedy has a way of visiting those who can bear it least....And HAITI stands example to this......and so many others as well.......but what people dont see is how relief to this country has gathered a sense of knowing and sort of like an united goal..........this apocalyptic earth-quake may be "cruel and incomprehensible" as Barack Obama puts it, ....BUT what do you comprehend of this sense of optimism shared by ALL...........PRAYERS,CAMPAIGNS ,CANDLE-LIT MARCHES.....POSTERS.....BANNERS..........USED CLOTHES AND BLANKETS........MONEY...........FOOD...........all this effort breaking barriers makes one good soap-opera.....except that here's we're dealing with LIFE.....rather DEATH..........

Have you noticed how when one part of the world is under crisis ,everyone is so glued to the television.........or discussing it through the day........to recollect,its more like a great 3-D movie with special effect ,and us relishing a big bucket of pop-corn ..... sounds disgusting.....yet so true......denying its very existence.......human nature being excuse...........

At an Apologetic seminar i once learnt that GOD made the perfect earth possible.........So to balance it from all the harm man is doing.....DISASTER strikes......hmmm........lets analyse........its more like........when you eat out of your limits for a day.........your body balances it by inducing vomit or diarrhea ......the earth does the same ...........but just a little differently.......and with these(calamities) happening so close apart one can only say that Earth is getting TOO FULL-TOO FAST...........and before you know its EVERY-DAY!!!!!.....But you don't realize that when your sick.....your getting attention you love.......also people who hate you ,some-how show concern, if not worry........and if your dying......even your estranged enemy will come to see you........Its sort of like that will calamities...........The bigger it is.........the closer people get......just to ACCELERATE RECOVERY.......

oh my goodness lord.........why why and WHY DO YOU HAVE TO LOOK SO PERFECT!!!.......i know i'm 21.....and i know i'm too old for crushes and infatuation and all that crap.......but i just cant hold myself from doing that......even while writing this i'm drooling (literally) on your picture.......i really cant help !!!!......I'M LOVING IT......
How can i forget the first time u called MY NAME!!!........i mean my name sounds so much better off your mouth....and the first time you laughed at my joke.......(i cant crack one for nuts)...or that once when you accidently fell laughing over my shoulder while watching THAT movie....OUR MOVIE!!!......sometimes i jusT dont get it.......i act so stupid around you.....i say things i wont say otherwise......and regret!!!!....like a millions times over and over again!!!!......
Its almost impossible to be ME around you....I'M A TOTAL IDIOT!!!!....i laugh without reason(and regret)......and wish you talked to me more(and regret).....they say a crush is harmless bt mr.perfect prince charming......its totally INTOXICATING!!!!
I know for a fact that i cant have U.......wait a min....!!.......why cant i after-all??....i think "I LOOK WAAAYY!!(express high-way)BETTER THAN ALL HIS EX'S"(if thats what they'd call those lucky chosen ones who got to kiss him)......KISS HIM........**SIGH**........they look so yummy and edible(lips)......and i can practically bite them off( bad bad ,super bad girl!!!)......and that looooong neck........lets just not get there........sheesh........crushing is so unhealthy.......CANT HAVE HIM ,CANT LIVE OTHER-WISE.....okie thats a big EXAGGERATION !!!!!........but yeah.......what-ever!!!!.......
I LOOOOVE U ....AND i will until i start this over with some-one else and i'll feel totally foolish about YOU...........TILL then............. i SUPER-DOOPER HEAD -OVER HEELS CRUSH YOU....with all my naughty ideas..........MUAH...... ;)

Not always do you get what you want....A saying heard and said way too often...But little did i know that i'd learn it in a way never thought before........
As the British say .."It was raining cats ans dogs outdoors ...bt there was some sort of serene warmth within..Rather the warmth came from the smell of fresh rain over parched and thirsty soil......There's something so heavenly about rain and "moms hot pakodas" down your gut.......Black umbrellas formed a canopy in front of my house and under all this was this kid...sailing paper boats......and desire came swift!!!.......I wasn't very familiar with how to go about making one...so i asked an elder...to be precise my uncle......the one who stole my childhood without reasoning.....well, we'll come to that in a moment....as for now he obliged..BUT WITH ONE CONDITION.....a kiss.....somehow my innocence couldn't hide his intentions...and before i knew he was all over me.....taking joy in the fact that there was none to stop........NOT EVEN ME....or his conscience for that matter...!!!.....I WAS 3 THEN.....
From then on vacations at my grand-dada's place were never the same....By the time i was 10 there were 4 of them....using the same modus operandi....
They'd become a regular at home....My parents enjoyed their company...bt i dint...little did they know .....and how would they ???....i was scared....of wat???.........why was i scared of telling dada???....there's no use asking these....cause i've been through these over n over n over...for over 15 yrs...!!!......and yet i have no answers....its not as if i was told or threatened for that matter....I JUS DINT....
Somehow that young ,I dint react to these happenings.....Infact i was fond of the attention i was getting..... Sometimes i awaited their coming.....quiet eagerly though.....even to an extent that i set the bed once.........Dint know how traumatic this memory would get once understanding crept in.......as traumatic as, you scared of your own dad when your mom wasnt around.......my own bloody dad....who loved me more than the world could offer.......
I slept every night going through every moment.....every single freaking moment......tearing alone...i remember everything...rather chose to remember everything...tried blocking but all went in vain.....do you what that is for 15yrs???.....trying to figure out what wrong i did??......wasn't i supposed to be protected??.....by my dad or mom......maybe twas not their fault.......but god???.....he wasnt there???.......they say god gives just enough trouble that one can handle.........but what justifies a horrendous act on a 3 yr old......he thinks she can handle it???.........
My dreams aka nightmares were of this one girl....screaming ...rather trying to scream and somehow she's lost her vocals.......she's trying and trying and trying and guess what she's not succeeded....or this girl lying bare naked and everyone she knows is around her.......I get up to these to date.....I'm 24 now....
I knows its not my fault....i've heard it like a million times....but that somehow doesn't seem to help me.....i know i cant change but need to move on.......but how???......when i can see them living lives so joyous.....so not regretful.....with children of their own.....it'd take me moments to shatter their lives as well......shatter every dream they have of their family........why should they lead a life so peacefully while all i live with is grief and hatred...
Were they meant to happen??..Were they accidental??..Too many accidents!!!.....Were they just some bad dream that i think really happened???........What positives can i take off these???..........All i really want is 3 yr old's well deserved happiness back.....that innocence and naive sense.........that security with my own wonderful father....... my dada....